While sitting around in a spider filled basement in Newport, RI, B and I began to discuss what would surely be a 21st birthday of epic proportions, as it was our friend E's birthday, and he was the last of us to turn 21. Well we decided there was no better way to bring in the birthday than on a disgustingly scummy booze cruise, full of trailer trash. Now when I say trailer trash I don't mean straight out of the trailer park, I am talking about the girls who are 1 step above Jersey Shore, which as we know is 1 step below a trashcan. Now to say me and my friends didn't particularly fit the mold of the crowd that night would be a tremendous understatement, because let me assure you, pink linen sport coats and seersucker pants don't exactly go hand in hand with spray tans and blowouts. I mean from the second we stepped foot on the boat every girl wanted to blow us and every guy wanted to fight us, or maybe it was the other way around, not really sure. Well the night started to look up when we made our way to the bar and realized the most of the bartenders on the ship didn't understand the meaning of a soft pour, so we were basically taking shots topped off with soda. The vision started getting blurry and the cigarettes starting flowing about 20 minutes into the cruise. The rest of the night just seems to be a blur, as all I can recall was following a bachelorette party around trying to get in all their pictures, and giving my $100 tie away to an, um, larger lady. Well after the cruise we found our way to a 3 story bar, sporting some karaoke for the night and I was fucking stoked. Unfortunately the manager informed me and my friend OJ that not only had they closed karaoke for the night, that even if they hadn't he would never let me sing the song from Armageddon. Depressing I know. Well getting denied karaoke and subsequently taking one of those Devil shots in a test tube was the last thing I remember. The next morning I stubbornly awoke in a house I didn't recognize with soaking wet clothes, and a dead phone. I quickly found out I was in a house that belonged to absolutely zero of my friends, and I was a good distance away from many of my friends. I finally made it home around 3pm(I woke up and started my journey at 9am) and immediately plugged in my phone. Well i found out quickly enough that out of the 7 of us who started the night together in the Limo, only 2 returned in it. One friend had fallen asleep on a park bench next to a hobo, three managed a ride home from a stranger, and I woke up on the wrong side of town. All in all it was a successful night, but one I wish never to live again.
I might take me a little to get back in the swing of things but I hope to be back to blogging daily soon. I have an entire summer to catch you all up on. Peace.
