Has anyone been so drunk that they decided to funnel a 40? Because I was last night and it was an awful decision. We got to try out one of our new toys last night that me and Dennis invented, the shot bong AKA El Diablo. It is a mini funnel and it hold a couple shots + chasers and it is the devil's work. I did about 4 of those and paid for it this morning. I also decided to split a bottle of champagne with Dennis and funnel a 40. I made one of the Freshman funnel a 40 mixed with vodka and half a beer, needless to say he vomited everywhere right after.
I'm too bogged down with work to blog anything super productive today, sorry about that. All the work combined with some recent personal issues has removed all motivation to do anything, but I promise I will make it worth the wait.
In the mean time, is Nicki Minaj single? After her work with Big Sean's Dance(A$$) I am in love
Tuesday is here and the week is underway. This blog is going to be about the movie Puss In Boots 3D. So last night Dennis, L, and I decided to eat some nice pot brownies and go see Puss In Boots 3D, because what better way is there to spend a Monday night. Now first things first, I suggest every time you are high at the movie theaters, see a animated 3D movie because that shit was off the chain. Granted I was cramped up a little bit in the smaller than average chair, the combination of Sprite and Strawberry Sour Straws was unbelievable. I think the THC made the 3D look even better because I felt like I was actually in the movie.
Now as for the movie itself, FUCKING AWESOME. Now it wasn't as funny as I was hoping it would be but it had me on the edge of my seat the entire time. I think last time I was this enthralled with how a movie was going to end it was Inception. From beginning to end I was constantly trying to figure out where the story was going and what was going to happen next, and let me tell you, I did not see the ending coming. It is a little sad at the end but I don't want to spoil anything for anybody. The movie was also riddled with sexual innuendos the entire time, Puss In Boots is a pimp and a party animal.
From this experience I think I've found us guys in the house a new Bi-Weekly activity, because the theater near the campus is pretty cheap ($9 for a 3D movie). I'm still recovering from this weekend and new stories are slowly leaking out so I'm going to get a nice compilation of shenanigans out soon. If my blogs are sub par this week it's because I'm rattled with work but hopefully they won't be affected.
Enjoy some shenanigans and a dope song from G-Eazy
Oh man, I feel as if I have been neglecting you all lately and that's just not nice. I had a crazy weekend that had it's up and downs and I couldn't find a minute to shoot out a quick blog, so I am here now to fill you all in.
So in college it is almost a necessity that you have to dress up on Friday and Saturday night. Not wanting to spend more money than we already have, Dennis, Shay and I just threw on some jeans and construction helmets and were gay construction workers. Friday night started out as a dorm get together at our house from all the kids we partied with in our dorm last year. Out of necessity we were all drinking Four Lokos, because what else did anyone drink freshman year? Well the night quickly turned interesting when I was convinced(pretty easily) by CBus to funnel my Four Loko, awful decision. I could feel my self making my way to a bad night if I kept that pace up, but miraculously after only a few more beers I found myself in my closet in a deep heart to heart, probably saving my life.
After Friday night concluded without me dying I was extremely prepared to rage on Saturday. I'm sitting on my couch right now trying to remember what the hell I did during the day Saturday because I think I was so excited for the night that everything that happened during the day was a blur. All in all the rave was sick, SLamField was sick, FancySauce was sick, but the fun stuff for the night was not sick. I'm not going to say exactly what I did, but I did a lot of it and was not rolling face like I hoped I would have been. Now don't get me wrong, I rolled, just not on the level I wanted too. After I had walked all the way home, alone I think, I got myself changed into some sweats while every one was still partying in our house, then I received a lovely phone call and I had to go assist a drunk friend, and she was very funny so it was worth it. Well I get back home and I was coming down pretty hard so I just called it quits after doing my rounds and talked to everyone. So like I said I did have fun, but I think it could have been better. I'm going to get all the stories from the guys in the house and hopefully be able to deliver a good one soon.
Class this week is going to be a struggle because I have zero motivation to do anything. Good news is I finally have money again so I will be able to drive to class again. That's fucking awesome news for me. Do not fret either, my posting will go back to regular after my hiatus this weekend. A few pics from the weekend and the song that was playing in my head on repeat Saturday during the day.
Before I jump into my story which is always a fan favorite, especially during pledging, I'm going to do a little updating. For those of you who know we have our big Rave this Saturday which will be awesome, because what's better than a bunch of hot girls using a typical weekend to dress like sluts and rave their faces off, and have it be completely acceptable. I wasn't going to drink all that much considering there would be drugs, but the drugs seem to be a bust so it appears Red Bull and Vodka will be my go to for the weekend. Friday night will be more low key, girls soccer and field hockey cannot go out so I think it will be a nice house party night with plenty of drinking games and the usual late night crowd of girls. I'm not sure what my costume will be for Friday night, it's a toss up between a dirty pirate hooker or a slutty Amish girl. Saturday CBus, Dennis, and I will be going as the Beastie Boys from Intergalactic. I have to host a lacrosse prospy on Friday which is mildly disappointing but I think I can live. Classes went great this week and I got 40 faced at our Wings & 40s rush event last night when I decided to put back a 40 or 3. Shay got his up and nasty on and there is no greater joy then watching a girl do the walk of shame the same night it happens. All the while one of the freshmen was passed out on his couch while he was doing it, classic style. I'm sure that wasn't the only eventful thing that happened but after all the malt beverage and adderall my memory is a little fuzzy.
On to the story of the Infamous Date Rape. This isn't a college day story but rather one of my odd times from high school. It was the summer break before going into my freshman year of college and by this point in my life I was basically living with my best friend in Massachusetts. Well we decided to have a small get together one night and we asked my friend Burns to call over some girls. We learned a lesson pretty quickly that if you ask Burns to call over a few girls, you are going to get an entire town at your party. So soon enough there were about a 50 people in this house, and I spot a girl sitting on the counter who was very, very attractive. Feeling my beer confidence commence, I casually walk over and sit up on the counter next to her. After a good 10 minutes of basic convo, I feel like she's really into me, so I throw out the classic pick up line, "You know I'm gonna fuck you tonight right?" and without missing a beat she responds with a very confident, "I know". At this point though the party is starting to get out of control and my friend comes up to me and says, "Dane, there is too many people here I don't know, I'm kicking everybody out." I wasn't going to go against his wishes, but I also wasn't going to expedite the process. I quickly realize that I'm slowly missing my chance to fuck this girl, so i grab her and take her to the bathroom were I start playing thumb wars with her pussy. Soon enough she starts to go down on me, and the second she starts people start banging on the door that the cops are coming. I know this is a lie because it is the classic line we always use to get people out of the house. Well I tried convincing her that it was fake and that she should stay but she started freaking out and left. Burns(the kid who invited everyone over) was nice enough to drive her home....and fuck her, but that's neither here nor there.
So that was my first interaction with this girl, the second one ended much differently. Being pissed that I never got to live up to my pick up line, I started casually texting this girl and about three to five days later she is drunk at a party and asks me to come pick her up. Now I was sober and being thoughtful I thought, "Fuck it, I'll just drive her home." So I get to the house and she is already waiting in the driveway for me. She jumps into my car and asks me, "So where are we going?" Now I was under the impression that I was just giving her a ride home so I ask back, "What do you mean?" and she says, "Where are you gonna take me to fuck me?" So the night is already playing out better than I planned. We drive around back roads of some town I don't know for a half hour, looking for places, until finally we come across either a big open field or a sports complex, I'm still not sure what it was. Well I take her out of the car and into the field, which was stupid because I couldn't enjoy the sex because I was freaking out about getting a tick on my dick the entire time. After the deed was done, I return to my car with every intention of dropping her off either back at the party or at her house, this was not her plan. She sees that I am getting in my car and asks, "Where do you think you're going?" I respond with the logical answer of, "Home..." This answer she was none to pleased with because next thing I know she is in the driver side door taking my keys out of the ignition and throwing them in the woods. "What the fuck was that for?", I ask while getting out of the car. She proceeds to grab me by the throat and push me up against the car and say, "You're not going anywhere till you fuck me again." Keep in mind here folks that I am 6 feet tall and way 195 pounds, I have never been so scared in my life. Obviously I had just came, and I was literally scared shitless so there was no way I was getting a boner. I had to think of everything but her to be able to get myself hard and speed fuck her so I could get the fuck out of there and never look back. To this day I attest that what had happend to me was rape, and I don't let anyone say otherwise. So be careful men because you might get the crazy one.
p.s.- To answer everyone's questions, yes I did fuck her again.
My head is pounding and my vision is a little blurry right now. I am also in my entrepreneurship class so I cannot fathom writing a blog right now. I try to get one up around 8 tonight so check back in. Last night was interesting indeed. As for the title of this blog, I have found the new hangover cure, three Advil, a nice gulp of Pepto Bismol and some Smuckers Uncrustables. Money in the bank. EDITORS NOTE: The video at the bottom is a kid I went to high school with, check him out he's pretty good. ( I have no fucking idea what I'm doing and why the video is at the top? Fuck it.)
With our next rush event coming up, I feel its about time to tell the thrilling night me and my pledge class had at our favorite social get together with the active members. The ice luge, in my mind is one of the greatest things I have ever experienced. I cannot go into full details for certain policies, but this night is more of what happened to us after the night had concluded.
The night started for us with high expectations. Of course we had gone into the night hearing some stories about what we were in for, so we fully expected to get rip roaring drunk. Some of us(myself included) decided we would do the smart thing and right down some emergency contact numbers(hot girls) on our arms, in case we got incapacitated. Well we get down to the house at the ripe drinking time of 8:44 and we were ready to go. Quick side note: for those who don't know what an ice luge is, it is a large block of ice with a luge chipped out of the center of it, with many estuaries going into the main luge. The idea is that the participant will sit at the bottom of the luge with his mouth open, ready to receive. It is the job of the people at the top to pour down a variety of liquor, beer, and chasers. It doesn't sound like the most pleasant thing but the glory of the luge is that the ice makes it nice and cold, while the luge shoots it right down your throat and you don't taste a thing. Delicious and dangerous. I digress though. So back to 8:44 pm on a Wednesday night. We get the speech from the president and are giddy like a priest in a GAP Kids. I think I went second or third because I was ready to go. After my first I had a mixed emotion of never wanting to go near that thing again, to so excited to get back on it. As a rush, we all averaged around 4. Some going up to 6, I was conservative in did 5. The last thing I remember of that night is one of the seniors asking me if I wanted to go upstairs and take a shot of tequila. WARNING: Don't drink tequila. I wasn't feeling the effects of the luge yet so thinking I was a champ I said fuck yeah and went up stairs. The devil that is tequila is the last thing I remembered tasting.
The next thing I know I'm struggling to open my eyes to the ceiling of my room, trying to figure out what the hell I spilled all over my bed last night to make it so wet. Turns out I unleashed the Hoover Dam all up in my bed. Needless to say I threw all that shit out and went right to Wal-Mart to get myself a 3D Toy Story comforter. As I started to come to, I started to text and call my friends to figure out how everyone's night ended and many of them, like myself, had no idea. Some of the details I got, L was so drunk he couldn't figure out how to get over the railing on his bunk bed and fell from the side trying to get up. He gave up trying to get onto his bed and just decided to pee on his door. Dennis woke up at the bottom of the stairs in his dorm and crawled his way to his room, NS was peeing in the bathroom and accidentally crapped his pants. We had a couple of pukers too, but I'll take pissing my bed over puking 7 days a week and twice on a Sunday though. One of my favorite stories from the night was that apparently I walked out onto the porch of the house to see Shay smoking a cigarette, apparently being very jealous of this I went over and asked him for a drag, upon him saying no I wound back and punched him in the face. I'm still not sure if I ever even got a drag of that cigarette.
All being said, I am so excited for the ice luge this year, I cannot wait to get back and tackle this beast, but I think this year I will stick to one or two.
I'll be doing an update post later today to let you all know what's going on in my life because I know you all care so much. Peace and IV
Salutations all, and happy Tuesday. Due to my fantasy loss last night, and for the fact that I flat out have jack shit to talk about, it is going to be a relatively short blog today. First off let's talk about why life sucks, and I blame Joe Flacco and the Indianapolis Colts defense. I'm sure this is the type of shit no one cares about but I give negative fucks. What kind of disgrace to the sport of football are you when your defense lets up fucking 62 points, that has to be some kind of joke. Of course I was playing against Sproles so fuck me sideways right? Even after all of that I still had Anquan Boldin playing against the Jaguars, THE FUCKING JAGUARS, and he couldn't manage to get me 17 fantasy point and I blame Joe Flacco. I was in a room with Kim Jong-il and Joe Flacco and I had a gun with two bullets in it, I'd shoot Flacco twice.
OK, moving on from fantasy and in other news, I'm more than broke. I think I have 8 dollars in my back account and no gas in my car. I didn't even have enough money to carry my sorry ass to my car last night, drive to the gas station and get a tin, so I drank a couple beers instead. The weekend could not come any faster. I'm trying to forget my name on a whole new level. sLamField has been dropping us some tracks and needless to say I'm fucking stoked. The week is dragging by and I have nothing to fill the time other than Fantasy Football and working out, which after how sore I am right now I would rather not. Speaking of working out every day that passes is one day closer to lacrosse season and it's shit like this that really gets me going
My house mates thought it would be humorous to start icing every one in the house last night but I exacted my revenge on L by putting an ice in the toilet before he went to the bathroom. I rock. I'm workign on bringing you guys another story either today or tomorrow. Keep checking in.
p.s. - this kids from maryland and has some pretty raw talent
Well Monday is here and it's time for this cat to get back on his work grind, which includes long blogs that probably have no relevance to anything but it's good to get my thoughts down on paper, or in this case computer. I get the feeling like this week is going to be one of the longest fucking weeks of my life. All my major work was last week or the one before so I'm going to be painfully wasting away time with a fucking thumb in my ass waiting for this weekend. SLamField is here this weekend and im about to rage my fucking face off. Just everyone motorboatin titties and grabbing asses all over the place, straight killing it. Words can't even describe how excited I have. Last year when SLamField came to the mansion(R.I.P.) we absolutely crushed anything else that had happened that year. Not a single person in that bitch wasn't having a nasty ass time. That being said, now we have the UG so I don't even know if I will make it out alive. Dennis and I contemplated driving up to Michigan to get a bottle of Everclear for this shit but we decided we probably shouldn't try and take our own lives. That and the fact that I have as much money as an over the hill prostitute means a no go on the Everclear. I might even have to start walking to class I have so little money and I don't know what the fuck I'd do then.
Before I can go ruin my life on Saturday I got to knuckle down this week and start hitting that gym hard, I'm going to Cali for Thanksgiving break so I got to get that beach body ready to go.
Since I have relatively little to talk about in terms of currents events this week I'm going to treat you all with one of my favorite stories from last year. The ripped dick. It's the beginning of the Spring last year (2011) and lacrosse is in full swing. We are all working hard on the field and having fun on the weekend, in typical student athlete fashion. So around rolls a Friday night, before our games have started yet so we were allowed to go out, and we are dancing like divas in the UG. My good pal walks up to me and says, "Yo Dane, I'm gonna go fuck this girl, can I get you're room key so I can go get a condom?" Being the caring friend I am I said of course and sent him on his way. That was the last I saw of him until the next morning when I was ecstatic to hear of his sexual conquests. When I see said friend the next day he seems to be in much distress. I ask him what's wrong and the response I got was "Dude she was was dry when I tried to fuck her that it ripped the skin on my dick, I haven't stopped bleeding yet." I don't think there has been a time in my life where I have laughed harder at another persons expense. His dick bled for almost 2 weeks and what a solid two weeks it was.
That's my story I hoped you enjoyed. I'm leaving you all with some favorite songs of mine and a couple pictures from SLamField last year. The artist is Slumpbuster by the way who are some alumni who I dearly love so check out their shit and download their new song off iTunes.
Sorry about the delay but I was far too hungover on Saturday to do any blogging. I'm currently sitting on my couch watching football and as usual stressing over fantasy. On an unrelated note I have the strangest urge to smoke some pots right now. The weekend was a good time, but kind of shitty at the same time. Of to the races:
On Friday we started off the weekend the right way, club hockey game. I got relieved from my position of coaching so I had plenty of reason to get lazy eyed before the game. Me and Dennis decided it would be a grand idea to get a bottle of Smirnoff 100 proof, a bottle of champagne and a 30. We successfully faced the whole bottle of 100 proof during the game. That night I had an epiphany that I would never be able to have more fun a sporting event than a club hockey game. No one there to monitor what you yell so yelling things like "I'll fuck you till you love me faggot" and "Your girlfriend loves anal" are completely acceptable. We were playing Northern Kentucky and mother fuckers had a 32 year old on their team, unacceptable. They brought two boot nasty girls as their fan section and we made those two poor young females wish they never even met the club hockey boys. Came back from the game are fitting 10 kids in my Jeep, needless to say I was impressed, and far to drunk. So the only thing to reasonably do was to go into my room and chug a bottle of champagne with one of the freshman. I went to bed early that night.
Saturday I had the pleasantries of having to wake up early to drive Beck to work, I hate waking up before noon. After that me and Dennis went to Lowe's because we had to get his shit for our Halloween costume. I have a new addiction, and it is Lowe's. We spent 2 1/2 hours walking around and anything we found under 2 dollars we would buy. We finally made a beer funnel, but we also had the bright idea to make a shot funnel, I'm very excited to use it. We bought a very long metal pipe and we have yet to figure out exactly what we want to do with it. Other items included car fresheners and a 'come in we're open' sign. I think I'm going to start saving up for a chainsaw and a ceiling fan now.
Saturday got a late start but once it got going it was looking like it was gonna be a great night. Some kids got the bright idea to start humming half full beers at the people on the porch next door so around 1 a.m. security made their way over and busted up both parties. A couple of kids hung around and I did some man flirting to get some more rushes. Dennis and I did the champagne challenge again so I don't remember how my night ended but I'm sure I had fun.
I think I have an easy week coming up because I have taken care of all my exams. Overall weekend grade was around a B- I'd say. We have our Halloween rave this weekend and shits going to get freaky. All kinds of drugs and booze. I'll keep you all posted throughout the weekend.
So Friday is here and the news of the day is the heat is on. By the balls of Zeus the sound of that furnace turning on the morning was enough to make any straight man go gay for the maintenance guys. So that only took a few weeks to get taken care but better late than never.
As a usual Friday goes, I'm gonna think about working out, probably not do it and start drinking early. I had a real ball buster of an exam in US National Politics this morning and there's no better way to blow of some steam than facing a bottle of Andre champagne and playing lets forget my name. Friday nights here tend to be pretty low keys. Lots of friendly drinking followed by the awkward interactions at the lovely Underground dance club, aptly named the UG. Every Saturday morning I promise my self I will never go to that place again, but every Friday night when some girl I don't know asks me to go I lead the charge. Don't get me wrong I love me a great dance sesh but I'm not a fan of getting dance raped in the dark by a sweaty fat chick.
Fall break is over and I can feel Thanksgiving break rapidly approaching. I'm looking forward to that because I'm traveling to California to visit my sister in LA. Little bit of sun, little bit of ladies, topped off with some nice home cooked food, who's complaining?
No parties this weekend so that means I have to buy my own beer this weekend, which fucking sucks considering I'm flat ass broke. Weekends with no parties tend to be very interesting because you get the randos looking to get stuffed rolling through the house and it's always funny to see who takes them home. I'll have stories (and hopefully pictures) after the weekend. I know a bunch of people are going to be gone tonight because they are going to Columbus for Day Glow. I went last year and shit was nice. Just getting sweaty and covered in paint grinding up on other guys girlfriends, made for a fun time.
A little trance to take you all into the weekend.
I'm cutting this blog off early because we are about to show Saving Private Ryan in class, fuck yeah.
We are now entering the dying days of October here at the college of and the weather is starting to cool down. Luckily for me and my lovely housemates someone broke our thermostat at one of our more recent parties so we are left with no heat. I normally like to sleep naked or in my boxers but lately I've cozying up in a hoodie and sweats at night. It is sort of a nice change, I feel like an eskimo. That being said I want some fucking heat and I wanted it two weeks ago.
The lacrosse team finished up fall ball 2 weekends ago and spirits seemed high concluding what I thought was a good fall. The 17 freshman we brought in seemed to really relax and play there best during our "play day" with Mercyhurst College, the defending D2 national champs, and La Roche, a lower D3 school from Penn, I think. I think as a team we over hyped Mercyhurst and didn't play our best against them, falling 6-2. We had difficulty controlling and possessing the ball but there were few moments of greatness that hopefully foreshadow good things to come. Mercyhurst also didn't have the discipline I was expecting as they threw away the ball a lot, but they were able to capitalize on their opportunities. In terms than La Roche it was a sub par game for us. We played slow and tired and barely etched out a victory 7-3(maybe?). Again like the Mercyhurst game we showed little discipline and organization on the offensive side of the ball and this could turn to really bite us in the ass if it doesn't get cleaned up by the spring. While La Roche is a fine program that has the ability to stay on the rise, I expected more from our team than a 7-3 win but hey, you don't always get what you want. We were playing for the Stefanie Spielman Breast Cancer Research Tournament put on by Burning River Lacrosse and Chipoltle. It was a great event and I hope it happens again next year.
Fall break was this weekend and what a wild time we had. CBus and I stayed on campus with a few of our brothers and a great choice it was. We hung out Friday and probably did a few to many sexabongs(6 person beer bong) because I had the pleasentries of cleaning up puke all off my basement floor in the morning. Saturday started off with a little afternoon drinking to pregame the girls soccer game. CBus has a lady friend on the team as well as we just love the soccer ladies here so we showed up strong and proud. We took our spots behind the opposing teams goalie and made sure we took her off her rhythm. The game ended in a tie, partially to our excellent heckling, I like to think. That night shit got a little weird when we had the Field hockey and girls soccer team down to our house for a case race. Like I said only a few brothers stayed around on campus so it was a nice ration of about 4:1 girls to guys, odds I'm not going to complain about. Highlight of the night was watching one of the freshman laxos getting his make out face on with one of the hotter girls in school. There also was the girl who failed so hard at bonging a beer she gave her boobs a nice beer shower in front of everyone and that's nothing to complain about. My memory faded sometime around 3 am from the Beer and Vyvanse combo but from what I hear there was a pretty solid dance party. It was interesting to see everyone that was on campus for fall break successfully pack themselves into our house but I don't want to be around that many fucking wizards and random heroes I don't know again.
Up coming events include a Boats and Hoes party with the Zetas, and a paintball party with the Alpha Slamms so there should be some good stories and pictures for all upcoming. Since lacrosse is done for now I wont have to much to talk about since we are in the work out stage but I'll keep everyone updated on the Club Hockey team(I'm the coach).
The track of the week that's currently keeping me warm is Bonfire- Childish Gambino
Sitting in my entrepreneurship class today, we had a guest speaker talking about web site design, when suddenly it hit me. I want to drop out of college and become a blogger. Well unfortunately I can't drop out of school so I'll do my best to invite everyone who reads this to invade my privacy while I'm sitting in my bed room.
A little background on me for those who can't handle reading the "About Me" section. My name is Dane Mitchell, 20 years old from Rye New Hampshire. I'm a sophomore at a small Division III school in Ohio, where I'm not only extremely scholarly, but I play lacrosse and am a member of a fraternity as well. I graduated from Tilton School in New Hampshire but a majority of my high school education came from Lawrence Academy in Massachusetts. I am one of the privileged few who got to do 5 years of high school and it was fucking awesome.
Now about the blog itself, I'm gonna be doing as close to daily blog updates as I can but I'm sure there will be days when I'm too hungover to do anything but blog and play Black Ops so it will be a special treat for all. There is no real point to this blog other than to give people some insight on what it's like to be a college athlete and a fraternity brother at a small ass school in bum fuck Ohio. Along the way I will share some of my favorite stories from my college days and possibly even some tid-bits from high school.
I hope you all enjoy, and if you don't then sucks to suck.
